


i would hold you close, cus it is a lonely world

by sorryimstefanie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxious Louis, Comfort, Cute, Depressed Louis, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Gen, Hardships, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Poverty, Relationship(s), Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harming Louis, Self-Hatred, Smut, a lot of crying, and harry helping him through it, just kinda louis struggling, louis' just had a hard life, niall with a girl??, there will smut, they just trying their best, they're just comforting each other, though he's got his own shit going on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-18 23:13:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12398229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorryimstefanie/pseuds/sorryimstefanie
Summary: Louis' never had a lot in life, and is finding himself with less and less until he meets a bustling bakery boy with green eyes that keep Louis going.





	1. Prologue

                   _Sometimes Louis wondered what was out there. It was such a general question, it could mean anything, but to Louis it was his only source of what he could describe as hope. Sometimes when he was sat in the kitchen, crying his eyes out and listening to his ragged breathing, he’d think,_ “What am I missing?” _and he’d look up with sore, blue eyes to the small, dirty window and get distracted, imagining himself anywhere but his run-down apartment. Sometimes when he was at school, spacing out and missing a lecture he couldn't care less about, or working six days a week and doing odd jobs for that seventh, when his eyes could barely keep themselves open, when his body ached from cleaning other peoples’ rich and extravagant homes and he wanted nothing more than to collapse and give up, he’d wonder to himself what else he could be doing with his time. It sounded so childish and ignorant, to think there was more to life than working your ass off for bare necessities, but in the times Louis had absolutely no one else but his dark and suffocating thoughts and the obnoxious silences that reminded him how alone he was, those instances and second lives he imagined were the only thing that kept the boy alive in his own shitty one he didn’t create._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just a little short beginning thing to see if i'm feeling this theme i'm thinking of. feel free to leave feedback and comments, and if i should continue this!!!!! :)


	2. Chapter 2

It was a blistering cold kind of day, Louis could already tell by the chilling air that was coming through the shitty windows next to his bed that, even though they were shut, allowed air to blow right in. He shivered and buried his face deeper beneath his stone-y gray blanket, and turned away from the light that was beginning to shine through. 

_Sigh._

Most people say the first thing they do when they wake up is make a cup of coffee, or go straight to the bathroom. For Louis, the first thing he does is sigh. He sighs a lot, many people tell him. Half the time he doesn't even notice. He's realized that sighing helps, just for a second, to lift that constant burdening weight that's _pushing, pushing_ on his chest.

So when Louis first wakes up and everything he left from the night before, when he could finally escape from his drowning thoughts long enough to fall asleep, he sighs. 

 _Shower, eat, do laundry, school, work, homework, eat, sleep._ Louis' list seems small enough, compared to some days, but still, there's not nearly enough hours to successfully do all of these things.

The weight on his chest grew heavier, and  _sigh._ Louis rolls over and peeks out from his covers just long enough to see the time,  _5:45am,_ and Louis knows he should get up to wash himself.

He knows it's been days since his last real shower, and not just him washing his caramel hair under the sink and slathering on more deodorant. He knows, and yet his body doesn't move.

He's so tired.

And not that,  _"I've lost a couple hours of my beauty sleep,"_ kind of tired. His body is achingly exhausted, and his brain is beyond fried.

Just the thought makes his eyes watery at the long day ahead of him, and Louis decides he can take a shower after work, and lets himself slip back into a light sleep as he subconsciously waits for the one sound he hates more than anything in the world.

 

***

 

It's exactly seven o'clock, and Louis collapsed in his seat just as the professor walked in to start his lecture.

Not only did Louis sleep in and not shower, he didn't get his laundry in, and didn't have time to even stop on the way to school and get something to eat. This was the third day in a row he's done that.

Louis was finishing getting settled for the next hour of listening to the human anatomy, when he glanced up to see a smiling blond boy looking back.

Niall was a boy he had in couple different classes, and probably the closest thing he's got to a friend. He was actually quite cute, in a boyishly innocent type of way, and for a few months, Louis had a pretty big crush on him. That was before he found out Niall wasn't into guys, and for obvious reason, Louis had to shut those feelings off.

They've never hung out together off campus, but Niall invites him to pub crawls every once in awhile with his other mates, and Louis texts him when he's got questions at two in the morning about homework. He's nice and Louis knows he should reach out to Niall's attempts to be his friend, but he can't ever bring himself to leave the house when he actually has the free time to go drinking. 

"My house. Seven. Tonight, Louise," that was a nickname Niall deemed for Louis, and he absolutely hated it. Niall knew it, too. "it's B.Y.O.S and you have no excuse to come this time. You already told me last night you only have one class today and only work until four. That's plenty of time to do your homework and y'know, shower. You smell." Niall grinned jokingly before his head turned to face the front of the room. At least he tried to make it seem like he was listening.

"B.Y.O.S?" Louis questioned in a low voice, completely avoiding the whole point of the conversation. It wasn't that Louis didn't want to hang out with Niall and his friends, he just couldn't bear to leave his bedroom. In his eyes, getting off of work at four meant he could be in bed by seven. He knew he sounded ridiculous, no twenty year old is in bed by seven, but with how exhausted he's recently been, and how compelling and convincing his mind can be to not get out of bed, it didn't bother him much.

"Bring your own snacks. I'm way too poor to feed all of you," Niall whispered, and you could hear the laugh in his voice, "and don't ignore my invite. You're coming, the boys already are looking forward to meeting you. Hell, I'm excited to meet you." 

Louis sighs, because he genuinely feels bad that he doesn't want to hang out with Niall later. The weight of the guilt grows just a little bit heavier, and he sighs again.

"Niall, I'm tired."� He truthfully replied, letting his head fall into his hand as he absentmindedly scribbled down anything the professor said that he deemed important.

"Fuck that, you can sleep when you're dead! You're coming, I'm not letting you get out of this."� Louis avoided what Niall said and continued to take notes, chewing on the inside of his already sore bottom lip.

The rest of class was filled with silence, save for the professor and the scratching of pens and pencils. He could be annoying sometimes, but Niall knew when to back off and let him think.

Louis knew the boy was coming from a good place when he insists on taking him out, and that's what makes Louis feel the worst. He's constantly begging for people in his life, complaining how lonely he is when he comes home to a silent house, and yet when he's given an opportunity, he can't ever bring himself to take it. There was so much that could go wrong.

_What if Niall found out he didn't actually like Louis? What if Niall's friends didn't like him?_

He knew he sounded like a child, but thoughts like those ate at him until it was almost impossible for him to say anything but no.

When it was time to pack up and leave, Louis tried to shove all of his books in his bag as quickly as possible, wanting to not only avoid being late for work, and he also didn't want the awkward conversation that he could feel coming with Niall, when he'd have to find some plausible reason to not come over.

But he wasn't even able to think of an excuse, before Niall said, "I'll text you my address. Seriously, be there. The only reason I shouldn't see you there is if you're dead."�

And with that, the blue-eyed boy hopped out of his chair and walked away, tapping on a girl's shoulder, with cropped red hair and blue eyes to match his own, following her out the door.

_If only._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another little short chapter, just getting feel for the story and if I should really put effort into it! if it turns out I like where this is going ill go back and add length and more detail to it! feel free to leave my feedback on this, and if I should continue! thanks!!!


End file.
